There are no shortcuts

Thanks to all of you who left comments and e-mailed words of comfort offline for my sister. We really appreciate your sentiments and suggestions. We're pursuing a few things, and I'll post updates if and when there's something new to report.

While e-mailing back and forth with her this weekend, I remembered an excellent article called 'Soul of a Citizen: Living with Conviction in a Cynical Time,' by Paul Rogat Loeb. It first appeared in Utne Reader in 1996, and is an overview of the book by the same name. I've held on to this article and shared it with clients and friends who feel like it's impossible to even make a dent in the complex problems facing the world. The article acknowledges that 'the magnitude of the issues at hand has led too many of us to conclude that social involvement isn't worth the cost.'  As one grass-roots activist quoted in the article points out, though, 'It takes energy to act, but it's more draining to bury your anger, convince yourself you're powerless, and swallow whatever's handed to you."

I found the most fascinating part of the article to be a section about Rosa Parks, the woman who refused to go to the back of the bus. Paul, who had been interviewed on CNN along with Rosa, points out that the standard rendition of her story leaves out the fact that she had spent 12 years helping to lead the local NAACP chapter. That the summer before, she had attended a 10-day training session at Tennessee's labor and civil rights organizing school, where she'd met older activists and discussed the Supreme Court decision banning "separate but equal" schools. That she had become familar with previous challenges to segregation, including several other bus boycotts.

In short, Paul points out, Rosa Parks "didn't make a spur-of-the-moment decision. She was part of a movement for change at a time when success was far from certain. This is no way diminishes her historical importance, but it reminds us that this powerful act might never have taken place without the humble, frustrating work that preceded it."

So, if all we know about Rosa Parks is that one day she refused to go to the back of the bus, and elevate her to 'hero' status, thinking she acted in isolation and on a whim -- without knowing about all the small actions and all the years of preparation that it took to build up to that one moment -- it becomes easy to tell ourselves that we could never be a 'hero' of the likes of Rosa Parks, or that we'll never get that one great opportunity, and that we are helpless and powerless to tackle things like environmental issues, or terrorism, or animal welfare.

"The real story is more empowering," he goes on to say. "It suggests that change is the product of deliberate, incremental action. When we join together to shape a better world, sometimes our struggles will fail or bear only modest fruits. Other times they will trigger miraculous outpourings of courage and heart. We can never know beforehand what the consequences of our actions will be."

I love that. I don't love the fact that it tells us hard work is involved when it comes to things that are worthwhile. Frankly, I'd rather believe that there's a shortcut somewhere if I just look in enough places (and I certainly have over the years). But on the other hand, if there is no shortcut, then it's a matter of work and dedication -- possibly leading up to that moment of opportunity -- and that's within the reach of all of us, not just 'heroes.'

Today, July 19, marks the four-year anniversary of the day I left my corporate job. Six weeks beforehand, the company had announced a buyout, and anyone who was in management, including even those who were not yet eligible for a pension, could take the package. I did, and so did lots of other people. And others did not, for many reasons.

When people found out I was leaving, especially to go into my own business, many of them said, 'Oh, that's so bold,' ... 'you're so brave,' ... 'I could never do anything like that!' etc. I didn't really feel like the intrepid soul they made me out to be, though. Okay, yes, I was scared and I had no idea how it would turn out (and I still don't), but I had been working specifically toward that goal for more than a year, and had been slowly inching up to that change for many years in a general sense ... setting money aside (not sure what for at the time), poring over books such as Zen and the Art of Making a Living, and doing a lot of soul-searching.

So, when the surprise announcement came, giving us just a few weeks to decide whether or not to take the package, I was ready. I didn't for one second consider staying. Some people really wanted to take it, but weren't prepared for that kind of change on such short notice ... without adequate time to find another job, etc., when the economy was faltering. For me, it was the intersection of all the preparation and the opportunity that presented itself out of the blue. If I hadn't been doing all those small things along the way, I wouldn't have been ready, or it would have felt like a much bigger leap. Looking back, I know I couldn't have engineered things the way they turned out. There were just too many variables moving and shifting during those years for me to control. I just had to trust that if I just took small steps, putting my energy into what I could impact, the big things would somehow sort themselves out if it was meant to be. Trust in the unknown, and believing in an outcome that will give us what we really need (in the cosmic sense), is a biggie. To believe is simply huge for me (which is why I created a daily reminder for myself in 'Believe Street.')

As a coach now, I meet a lot of people who still think there is a shortcut ... a way around the deep inner work and havoc-wreaking, confidence-shaking, heart-pounding stuff that comes along with changing careers, or going into business, or creating a different lifestyle. Sometimes I sense that people think the shortcut is coaching itself (and some of the marketing out there plays into that). They believe that if they pay someone several hundred dollars a month and spend a few hours on the phone with them, they will simply awaken one day in the new life. One day in the next six months or less, of course. Yes, they know it may require some tweaks here and there ... maybe getting their nails manicured every-other week instead of every week, for instance ... but many of them are not prepared for the fact that it can take years, that it can rattle and even end important relationships and friendships, that it can involve serious financial risks, and taking a serious look at themselves. How can we be prepared for that, really ... when all around us we see the result of hard work, but not the hard work itself? We see the actor who's making $20 million a picture, but not the years he lived in his car. Or we see the successful entrepreneur enjoying an affluent lifestyle, and not the previous failures and restarts. Or we see Rosa Parks refusing to go to the back of the bus, and not her 12 years as NAACP leader, or the lifetime of preparation. That's why I love stories that go behind the scenes and give a more balanced picture.

Another dynamic I've seen in my work since leaving corporate, or when speaking to people about a big change, is that many people don't want to set foot off the shore because they 'haven't figured out yet what they want to do.' And so they wait. They wait for that breakthrough, for that epiphany. And the next year, they're still waiting. And the year after that. I'm not talking about the people who have a dream, or know what they want to do (even in a vague sense) and find ways to nurture that dream while also tending to their responsibilities. If they're nurturing that dream in small ways, they're preparing, and I have total respect for that. Or the people who are willing to try something different, just to see. They're preparing too ... and they're learning. I'm talking about those who are just simply waiting, in an unhappy place, hoping or expecting to receive the answer -- and a roadmap -- from a coach, or from a 'test,' or from a book, without having to step into the darkness and get their shoes muddy.

I suggest that they may actually never solve that puzzle until they leave the comfort zone. That they may have to settle for going on only a vague stirring of their soul, instead of the clear roadmap they want. Or that -- surprise -- it may take not just one, but maybe several steps. It may take more than one career change, for instance ... but with each change, they'll get a new vantage point and discover more about themselves and what their true, authentic path is. And, I truly believe that depending on how far one has 'strayed' from their true path, one may simply not be able to get from here to there with just one leap ... assuming there even is a there ... but let's just say it's a place that feels at least better than here. Those interim steps are just as important and just as valuable as what some people perceive to be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I find that a lot of people don't place value in that, though ... feel they don't have the time for anything but the direct path. They don't have time for the trial and error, or what they consider to be detours ... but they have time to wait for the answer and the shortcut. It's their life, of course. They're entitled to take that stance. I only offer what I've observed in my own life and in my clients' lives as food for thought, and quickly get back to working on my own full curriculum ... not that the detachment hasn't taken years to cultivate!

With the possible exception of those few rare individuals who discover their path early and never waver, though, there are no shortcuts (and even those rare individuals have to work diligently to develop that path). 'Oh, if I'd only known then ...,' we say. Yeah, if we'd only known. Can you imagine how much time, energy, money, and hassle we could have saved ourselves? All those nights spent earning an MBA to then become an artist? All those years climbing the career ladder to realize we're happiest tinkering on an engine? But then, if we hadn't taken all those 'detours,' how would be know? It's not something we can learn by reading, or dreaming, or watching others. It's something we can only find out by living it.

In nearly 44 years (yes, another birthday's coming up next month), and almost five years in my own business (four full-time), I haven't yet found any shortcuts (if there are, will someone please point them out to me?). But I have found something -- a compass, a North Star of sorts. It's simply to cultivate a deeper and stronger relationship with our own inner voice -- 'simply' being a very big word, of course, when what we're talking about is 'deepening our spiritual life,' as John put it in one of our recent conversations. To create enough space and silence in our lives to be able to tune in and hear what our soul and our intuition are telling us. It's really there ... the direction ... if we listen and are willing to act on it. I realize this sounds ironic, coming from a coach, but if more of us could do that regularly (myself included), there would be no need for coaches.

Of course, this is easier said than done, and it's something I work on every day. There's the listening piece, which is hard enough -- just being able to turn off all the 'noise' and really hear. And then there's the really hard part ... trusting our intuition and actually acting on it -- in the face of fear, doubt, external obstacles ... without knowing at all what the outcome will be. My adrenaline goes into overdrive just thinking about it, like Indiana Jones standing on the edge of that precipice when he realizes he has to take the 'leap of faith' and step into the dark void if he is to reach the Holy Grail (one of my favorite movie scenes of all time). But, this is the only thing I've found that works, in the true sense. And every time I exercise that muscle, even in small ways, it grows a little stronger.

So I'm renewing my membership in the big cosmic gym today, signing up for more muscle-building sessions (oh goodie!). I can hardly wait to see what my 'personal trainer' has in store for me.

~~~

p.s., Paul Rogat Loeb has many other wonderful articles posted on his site, and is also the author of The Impossible Will Take a Little While: A Citizen's Guide to Hope in a Time of Fear.

Comments

[Monk]

Is it really possible to be happiest tinkering on an engine rather than climbing the career ladder?

[Will]

See, I just had this feeling that the Dog post didn't end with the end. There was just an intermission. This is the other half of that post. The answer to the question posed of Why do we do the things we do.

This is so why I keep coming back to Believe Street.

Thank you, Maria.

P.S. That scene in the Indiana one of my favorites too.

[Lisa Taylor Huff]

"It takes energy to act, but it's more draining to bury your anger, convince yourself you're powerless, and swallow whatever's handed to you." -- Amen to THAT! Let's all of us agree NOT to be victims, no matter what else someone is doing to us or around us. "Victim" is a mindset, a label - it's not who we ARE, if we don't choose to be.

[Stefani]

For me, it was the intersection of all the preparation and the opportunity that presented itself out of the blue.

The very definition of luck, they say!

I absolutely did not know any of that background information about Rosa Parks. Fascinating stuff.

I loved this entry, Maria - I believe every word you said. Thank you for writing it.

[kat]

why is trusting intuition so hard? it seems like it should be the easiest thing in the world, but it's something i totally struggle with.

i'm rooting you on from the bleachers and i'll gladly run some laps with you. ;-)

[Marilyn]

Congrats on pursuing your dream wholeheartedly for nearly five years. Lovely, thoughtful post. I'm in awe of how you you can write such long thoughtful posts and fill them entirely with thought-provoking ideas. No filler here! Well done.

[Lu]

Well said. Well said.

[deb]

Delish.

This post reminds me (in a round about way) of the concept of 'spiritual bypass' (a phrase coined by charles whitfield, an addiction/recovery writer). It's the tendency that people who hold a spiritual perspective (including yours truly) can often fall into where we try to bypass the really dirty work of change because we'll say: Well, part of my process is being in a stuck place right now and I know it's just a process and I can be with that and blah, blah, blah. Which is just another very-subtle and oh-so-evolved way to skip the hard work that often goes with going after what we really want.

Great to be reminded that there are no shortcuts or bypasses to the stuff that really matters.