What I'm noticing

I started writing a post yesterday. It was about how I want to start a new regular feature here called 'Random Bits of Goodness,' to share little bits (and links) of things that are good in the world, of things that are working; of people who are an inspiration, who are doing courageous and wonderful things; of things that lift my soul ... because at times like these, I have to really remind myself that life is not all suffering and despair ... that there is good to be found everywhere, too ... and that I want (and need) to intentionally look for it, lest I forget.

But I struggled for the words, and I struggled with the title for a while. Part of me wanted to call it, 'What a Wonderful World,' after the song made famous by Louis Armstrong, who was from New Orleans ... but another part of me felt that was probably too over the top, even for a Pollyanna like me. Then I thought maybe the real reason I kept waffling on that title is that there are days when I wonder if I can really believe that it's a wonderful world ...

Anyway, I wasted a lot of time at the computer on all that (while listening to the song clip, of course, of which I never grow tired) before finally deciding I needed to step away from it in mid-stream and let it steep while I did other things. I was disappointed that I hadn't gotten the post done quickly and moved on to other work, which was my plan. I decided that today it would be no more Mr. Nice Guy ... that I had to manage my time and myself better than I did yesterday.

And then I watched TV last night ... CNN and MSNBC and Oprah (which re-airs here at 7 p.m. each night), not able to bring myself to hit that off button on the remote ... and then, feeling really sad and emotional but still determined to go on with 'life as usual' today, I read my regular lineup of blogs this morning. One of them was Carol Ross's, which had a wonderful post about what's she's noticing since Hurricane Katrina hit last week, and invited others to share what they're noticing, too.

I have been noticing so much stuff, to be honest -- both in others, the collective, and myself -- that at times it feels overwhelming ... at times I'm not sure what to do with it, or about it. So my first impulse after reading Carol's post was to back away from the keyboard ... slowly ... without making any sudden moves ... and go do a load of laundry or something, or make some jewelry. But then I decided to go back (after putting in that load of laundry) and allow myself to consider Carol's question, and to try to express some of what I'm noticing after all in her comments section. I've known Carol for some years now and think the world of her, so there is a personal context there, and that means I felt more safe sharing my thoughts there than I would on some other blogs. (As a side note, Carol, who is a great writer and has written many wonderful articles over the years, recently started her own blog, and I hope you'll add it to your blogroll.)

When I was done typing, I realized, '... that's my post ... that's my own post for today. What I started writing yesterday will be finished and shared, maybe tomorrow, but this is what I need to say today.' Besides, I really do have to get some work done, and I am very slow at writing posts.

So, with apologies in advance to anyone who may take offense to any of this, I'm re-printing here what I wrote in Carol's comments:

Oooh boy, does your post and that question stir up a lot of stuff for me. My temptation is to just be politically correct and keep it all to myself, but since you asked :-)

• I noticed that I felt really angry last week when so much of the TV coverage I saw was about 'cornering' the officials into pointing fingers at another official or organization, or about admitting blame themselves. I feel like we are such a 'blame-oriented' culture, especially at times like this. Of course there is a time to learn about how well the response and our actions worked (or didn't), in a spirit of improvement, but I felt angry at the stations because I thought it would have been a much better use of the airwaves, instead of what they did, to use the time to air brief video messages of people letting others know they were alive, or of people searching for loved ones, etc.
• I noticed that someone accused a blogger whose blog I read every day of doing a 'flyover' on the hurricane, too, and that it stirred up an incredible firestorm in the comments section, with people taking stands on both sides of the fence. I noticed that when someone chastised the person who wrote the first accusatory comment, and then wrote, 'I just hate judgmental people,' I had to laugh at the irony, and notice my own judgments about it, too, and how it's a never-ending loop. I noticed that it is SO very much in my nature to avoid conflict and seek harmony at all costs ... that conflict makes me very uncomfortable ... that I see it as being so very unnecessary and a total waste of time because life is so short and precious ... but I also notice how that philosophy can be my own form of a cop-out in certain situations. [Oh, and I noticed that reading all this on another blog made a little afraid and paranoid to write about it in my own blog, fearing what it might stir up in others, or fearing a personal 'attack.']
• I noticed (and continue to notice) that it makes me really upset when I hear comments like, 'this shouldn't happen in America,' or, 'these are Americans ... this shouldn't happen to Americans,' or, 'we're the wealthiest nation in the world and we should take better care of our own,' and all the variations on that theme. I know what people are trying to say, but it upsets me because I think, ' ... but why SHOULDN'T it happen in America? Do we think we're exempt from this kind of disaster, or above faltering? It really SHOULDN'T happen anywhere, no, but it does, because we are not almighty after all, even if we want to think we can be.'
  
  What about the thousands of people who die every single day in Africa from lack of food or water, or in other parts of the world? Why aren't we also up in arms about that ... going on TV and demanding that something be done about that? The comments I hear make me feel like some people are saying or implying that the lives of people outside America are less valuable somehow, or that, conversely, those of Americans are more valuable.
• I noticed that some people expressed embarrassment about what the rest of the world will think (or thinks) of America now ... especially after some of the images they're seeing on TV ... and I think, maybe the rest of the world should finally realize that there are poor people in America, that America is not perfect and that there are social issues here, too ... and that not every American is rich or arrogant or lives in a mansion.
• On that theme, I noticed that when I read comments on other blogs that painted a broad brush of 'Americans' as being too self-absorbed or 'comfy in their consumer-driven lifestyles' to care about this instead of just about their little personal lives, that I got really angry ... that I was sure those people wouldn't like it if someone made a comment about how 'all _______ (insert their nationality, etc.) are ________.' Any time a group of people is lumped under one adjective, it feels like a detriment to all of us ... like it brings everyone down to a lower level.
  
  I get angry at some of the media coverage overseas that doesn't paint a balanced picture, and that some people then form their opinions about Americans as a group (or other ethnic groups) on that. I was not born in the U.S., but have lived here for 35 years now, having moved here when I was 8, and perhaps that has shaped a different or more inclusive worldview for me, but I notice that 'nationalistic' comments of any kind really stir stuff up for me. I want to shout, 'People, wake up! There's only one race ... the human race ... and unless we get that and stand for each other, regardless of nationality, etc., we're missing the boat!'
  
  I notice that I can love and cherish this country and the freedoms it supports, and still hold that broader view that we are all important, regardless of what country we call home ... that the two thoughts are not mutually exclusive. I hope I live to see more of the man-made walls that keep us separated come down in my lifetime.
• I noticed (or perceived) that when people were criticizing the rescue efforts last week, that I didn't hear anyone say, 'hey, let's not be critical of them ... these people are out there trying to help and they need all of our support right now, and criticizing them will only demoralize them' ... which is what some people say about our troops in Iraq. I wondered why that was.
• I noticed that some of the views expressed last week seemed to have an underlying belief that it's the government's responsibility to take care of us and that no matter what happens, they should make everything okay again ASAP, like a parent with a child. I noticed that it seemed to shake some people's foundations and stir up really deep fears about safety and wellbeing ... that if it's not the government's job to make everything okay, or that if they can't, then what? That thought seems to leave some people really shaken.
• I noticed that I am feeling more ungrounded about all this this week than last week ... and that it's harder to work and keep my focus. Perhaps last week the scales were tipped more towards the anger I was feeling at all of the above, and to the 'big picture' view of the disaster, and this week, the stories are down on the ground, and really personal, and it breaks my heart to see or read about what people are going through. I noticed that I could not make myself turn off the TV or change the channel, either.
• I noticed that when I imagined the possibility of ever having to evacuate our home and maybe never going back, that there were very few physical possessions I would really feel compelled to take ... besides us and the dogs, it comes down to my computer, my digital camera, a few important papers, perhaps some pictures, and some clothes to get by for a while. I noticed that this is all in theory, and that I have NO idea whatsoever what it would really feel like, or how I would respond ... that it's so much easier in the abstract, always, and that I might in fact discover that I'm a lot more attached to my stuff than I perceive myself to be (even though I consciously work at that detachment) ... but that all of that is not a reason to not think about it or prepare for the possibility of losing everything in an instant, even if only as a theoretical exercise.
• I noticed that alongside the destruction and devastation, and the 'worst' of human behavior, there is also incredible kindness, compassion, and love. There is immeasurable courage and goodwill and caring and hope. People donating money, volunteering at shelters, opening their homes, taking time to listen to the stories, leading fundraising efforts, etc. I notice that unless I put as much focus on that, and on all the miracles there are to be found in my own day-to-day life, I can be completely overtaken by my own grief and sadness, and that it's a tough balance to keep some days.
• I notice that I want to do more, and not just for this event, but all the time, in whatever small ways or big ways I can, because as you wrote, it's not only about responding like this when crisis hits ... there is crisis every day in so many people's lives, in so many places ... and that when things like this happen, I always hope that a little bit of the experience seeps into the collective consciousness so that maybe we can live our everyday lives from a different place from then on ... a little more like we live when we are responding to a crisis ... more sensitive, more patient, more understanding, more compassionate in our day-to-day dealings ... because it's so easy to go back to sleep after the crisis passes.
• I notice that I'm really grateful you asked :-), and that I hope I didn't offend anybody (though I probably did), and if so, I apologize. These are just my views, and I tried to share them respectfully, because I think there is space for that, and a way to do it so that we can all be elevated by this. I hope others will post theirs, as well.

The floor is now yours to share what you're noticing, with some ground rules ... please speak from your own experience, and please be respectful of different points of view ... there are ways to disagree thoughtfully and to express a variety of viewpoints with respect.

Thank you for spending part of your day here with me. I really do feel so much better now.

Comments

[John aka Monk]

The devastation is of biblical proportions and I strongly believe that the victims of Katrina are on peoples' minds. But, my cynical self (by the way, I do have a cynical side in case you haven't noticed) wonders how many people don't care on a scale of one to ten. Not the people who live in the South but people who live far away from the devastation.

I ask this question because it feels like something...something important...is missing from all this. I'm not talking about pointing fingers of blame, news coverage, donations, etc.

I really can't put my finger on it... Maybe we're too afraid or too proud to admit that we as a nation are broken. That all our wealth and power means little in the face of nature...an 'enemy' that we can't negotiate, intimidate or fight with our troops and weapons. Maybe we can't face the fact that we are vulnerable and all the chest pounding and posturing won't change that in any way, shape or form.

Along with that I think that maybe we as a country are still in the denial or anger part of the grieving process (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). But, it seems to me that before we can serioulsy talk about rebuilding (much less do it) and jump on that bandwagon like so many celebrities and politicians are more than blindly eager to start doing...we haven't yet fully grieved.

We've certainly been humbled and hurt, and that's hard for some people to swallow, I suppose, but a worthwhile lesson, too, for us and other countries.

Maybe we don't really know how to grieve something like this on a collective level. And, there may not even be rituals and things in place to aid the process. There hasn't yet been a national day of mourning, has there?

[Marilyn]

Wow, Maria, that's QUITE A COMMENT! :) For ME (since I can only speak for myself), when I say, "This isn't supposed to happen in America" I say it not because I believe we're better than other countries or more special or should be above pain...I say it because we're the biggest bully in the world...and if we're going to go stomping around and beating our chest about how we're so big and bad-ass, then we'd damn well better back it up with ACTION that at the very least protects and cares for our own citizens. At lest that's how I feel about it.

What I've noticed this week...that there have been way too many reporters who FILM something, without lending a hand. I don't want to see reporters walking/driving/boating by...WITHOUT HELPING. Forget the rules of journalism--this situation should transcend all boundaries to allow all of us to help in any way we can.

I've noticed that Mississippi, which has been devastated as well, has had its plight greatly overshadowed by the situation in New Orleans. I understand the crisis generated by N.O.'s floodwaters, but I want to hear what's happening in Miss. and Alabama, too.

I've noticed that people are beginning to question the tactics of this administration when the war in Iraq failed to ignite that kind of passion in our citizens.

I've noticed that the heartbreak felt seems to cross gender, age, race, ethnic and income lines...and that racists/classists will never change no matter what.

I've noticed that as odd as it sounds, this disaster has given me HOPE for our country in a way that I haven't felt in, maybe, decades. Hope because of how help is being extended...and how deeply people have been touched by their fellow Americans' plight.